Sunday 29 November 2009

Day 29: MY THiNG!!

this has to be the heaviest breakfast since the first day in November...it was a real treat. i used to have croissant(butter...yummy!) and coffee...lately i am absolutely obsessed with waffles. oh gosh...peanut butter or honey on them!! i might be having english breakfast most of time...but chee cheong fan and nasi lemak still haunting me...i could still smell wantan noodle and fried mee hon. and
ROTi BABi + KOPi O

Saturday 28 November 2009

Day 28: top of my list...


Day 27: Yay...its COURAGE!

he might be screaming maniacally for all this while, however he always overcome his fear to keep his family safe.
Courage...my hero!
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence
by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.
You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."
-eleanor roosevelt

Friday 27 November 2009

Day 26: Merthyr Rockz!

wow~~buddies you better believe me when i say
im living in the 5th worst place to live in the UK!
pretty impressive huh??
oh well i've seen the rest...maybe its time to see the worst!!
Middlesbrough...SAY Hi!!!


Thursday 26 November 2009

Day 25: 我要张大。。。大。。。大的桌子!

我有个梦想。。。如果有一天我有能力实现一个梦想,我要有个‘画廊’。虽然我并不能画的好。。。不能画就要克服它嘛!!某天和阿恋谈起做生意。。。我告诉她这伟大的理想。不由自主的越说越兴奋。。。越兴奋就越发现原来我有那么多的兴趣!在想我的画廊一定要有个角落让我安一个白色的书架。。。放我喜欢的书和唱片。有张红或深褐色的沙发坐在毛茸茸的浅绿色的地毯上。。。一定要有个天然木制的矮茶几。如果我有朝一日学会烤一手好糕点。。。那当然要有个地方让我卖我亲手做的饼干蛋糕,和我有一样兴趣的人分享。。。哈哈哈!然后我要在画廊摆上我爱的小布娃娃。。。或许会有小布的周边商品卖也说不定哦!还要是我亲手做的。。。果真的什么都想做!然后我的工作坊一定要有个很大。。。很大。。。的桌子!!要木制的哦(很强调)。。。这样一来我可以在桌上打打电脑,画画东西,为娃娃缝缝衣。。。总之要大啦!!

科科科。。。有理想是好事,阿恋说。对!!所以趁现在我还有这份热情时。。。加油打拼。种树前,或许我并没有找到一个很好的地方,随便的就把种子播了下去。但没关系,我相信在种子还没真正发芽前,我会做好准备对这棵自己种的树负责任!它有可能不是最茂盛的。。。但它会是陪我一起长大的。 加油!!!

Monday 23 November 2009

Day 23: Last Monday...this monday...

seven days had passed. SEVEN DAYS!!
and there would be another SEVEN DAYS.
it feels like a year...the hours go too slow.
the last was anticipated.
on this, feeling light headed and woozy.
knowing I'm gonna miss something out this time...
those little things we've done and said
they all remind me of nothing but you.
i wish there will be no distance too far
to be right where you are.
i know exactly what goes wrong
that a piece of me is missing but somehow
I'm gonna make it through another day
cos that someday, I'll be on my own with you...

Sunday 22 November 2009

Day 22: Childly notion

Amusement Park...one of my favourite places! i always think you'll never need an excuse to ride on a carousel. i could hardly conceal my excitement whenever i see those charming fantastic creatures go round and round, up and down. maybe i still live in the fantasy make-believe.

it's always an experience of emotions, i guess. from the moment being ushered into the line, felt anticipated and excitement while waiting in line. people fighting for their places when the gate was opened, and we know the ride will be starting to go around once we saddled up on the perfect horse we picked. it goes spinning round and round, we'd be parting from people we know for a few shorts moments until we'll see them again. when it's time come to disembark, those people we've known, may not be those we knew. or we're trying to catch up with the persons who ride in front of us, we might seem to get nearer and nearer by changing horses. but still, on a carousel we'll still going around, they are always so far away. they will have to leave when it comes to an end, and we will lose them when we get down to the ground. with a tinge of bittersweet sadness, we'll leave this macabre fantasy carousel...cos we're also headed to other exciting rides and places.



Day 21: Unexpected Guest!

Even if you've knocked on my door...it doesn't mean you're welcomed.
But i'm not gonna chain-saw you, though.
It's a mercy, so be thankful!

Friday 20 November 2009

Day 20: We must stay together!

窗外刮的狂風,呼呼地響。最近天氣轉涼了,早晨和晚上出門都會呼出氣來。還蠻喜歡這種感覺的,畢竟生在熱帶國家的我還真的是第一次過秋天。春天的開始我來到這里,那時路旁的樹木都是光禿禿的,天色灰暗有點陰森。還記得我走過教堂,那畫面就好像在電影里讓人毛骨悚然的情節。。。就差在沒有烏鴉飛過!

半夜十二点二十分,是我平時沖完涼,吹干發,擦完護膚品的時間。收到他的電郵,我毫不猶豫就拿起電話打給他。。。他被我吵醒了!我可愛的弟弟啊-他受傷了!我們住在同屋檐下二十一年,好像都沒有認真地談天,或許我們都不是認真的人吧?在電話中我們還是有說有笑的,我知道他會讓自己很快地好起來,但還是很心疼他。他一直是我爸媽四個孩子當中最樂觀也最會討人喜歡的,有時也不顧形象的搞笑都人開心。我和他可以聊的話題比較多,這可能是我們性格有點像。我常覺得我和他最像爸爸,都這么愛往外跑(雖然爸爸都會說是我給的壞榜樣,沒關系!)

說著說著,知道爸爸弄傷了背部,當姐姐的我盡然哭了。我像個導演把情緒帶到高潮。。。把他也弄哭了,當時我很想就在他身邊把他抱著,兩個人相依著地把悶在心里都哭出來。突然我發現原來我從來沒離開過家里。‘我才發現爸爸真的老了。’他的這句話我真的受不了,我以為我已經不再那么地想家了。。。我錯了!我不敢想像一年以后當我回到那熟悉卻有點陌生的家時,看見爸爸媽媽變老了的模樣。。。那種畫面我想了就心酸。

弟弟:‘我們是時候擔起這個家了,我們一家人一定要在一起好好的,不用管人家怎么想,怎么說,我們一定要在一起!’好感人。。。他長大了!其實我有讀書的念頭,媽媽說她可以幫我。但長這么大了,如果要我再花爸媽的錢我寧可不讀。我不用高學歷,我只要爸媽不用再為我操心,要他們知道我是可以自己照顧自己的。我或許沒有他們倆來的有毅力,為了我們為了這個家他們已經花了很多的力氣。。。我很愛這個家。我也才發現我真的很愛他們,因為此時的我已經是鼻涕眼淚一起來了,我不怕承認每當想起爸爸我都會哭,那個臨走前的擁抱是我的死穴!

我想寫封信。。。寫封家書。
畫一張畫。。。畫張有我們六個人的畫。

Thursday 19 November 2009

Day 19: It's Curved. Or is it Straight?!


i wanted to do a straight line...but it went a bit distorted obviously. i'll say its a slightly straight curved line. or a curvy straight line?! oh my...im confused! hold on one sec! what do you see??!
i looked at the bad stuffs in most of the situation. when i needed to stay up late at the office alone to get those drawings done i thought it was my boss' fault (i still think it was his fault!!) for assigning me so many tasks. i would snubbed my mummy over the phone cos i thought it was annoying that she asking about the same things over and over again but in fact i didn't feel like talking by that time and she had got nothing to do with it. knowing im responsible for my thoughts and actions, i think i should change my perception of things.

'Nothing is good or bad, only thinking makes it so'.
- Shakespeare

Day 17 & 18: 吃下了什么感覺?!

現實真的很殘酷我正在努力地减肥但却要我天天对着我爱吃的炸薯条!真的很苦呐!
八個月前的我只喜歡吃媽媽煮的。。。其他人煮的怎么都没有那種味道。那时如果媽媽有煮我的饭就算工作到深夜我也尽量把菜都啃完因为我知道她在廚房里也花了心思只為把我們喂飽。媽媽的廚藝不錯。。。或許她煮地比較淡但我就是愛那種味道!她也很喜歡烘烤(雖然并不精)每年新年家里都是媽媽親自烤的餅干點心!很慚愧的是我還沒有在她身上學到一成功夫。。。我想學,很明顯又是有心無力的一樁事!我常常想將來當我有家庭的時候我一定要為家人煮晚餐。。。當然我最想的是為爸爸媽媽煮一頓好吃的。印象中,我最厲害的就只有烤過一次醬大把的蛋糕,而且還是本來想烤餅干結果半途失敗!!

離家八個月,沒有下廚天份的我什么人煮的我都吃,而且還不再那么的挑了。了解我的人聽了會下一跳,我竟然開始喜歡吃我從來不碰的鳳爪!!還有茄子啦,芹菜啦,臘腸。。。靠!是我變了嗎?不懂耶。。。只知道自己不會煮就不可以像在家里一樣挑剔。

我在想。。。吃不同人煮的都會讓我有不同的感覺,
媽媽煮的。。。永遠都是最美味的。我不用說她一定知道我愛吃芋頭,不愛蔥,最喜歡喝ABC湯,老實說我已經漸漸忘記自己喜歡吃什么了。我真的需要有人告訴我咧!
阿嬸煮的。。。有點媽媽的味道,也是淡淡地卻很親切,合我的口味!老板煮的。。。還可以,偏甜。朋友煮的。。。有待改進,但讓我吃的有點內疚,有點慚愧因為我連煮個快熟面都煮不好。喜歡的人煮的。。。當然好吃啦!我喜歡看他下廚的樣子,還記得和他一起吃那一頓為我煮的第一餐。。。那很可愛的畫面!

總覺得男生天生在這方面都比女生厲害。爸爸不下廚但他可以把快熟面煮地特好,他還試過把媽媽昂貴的鍋給燒破!!其實事到如今我們都搞不懂當時他為什么會心血來潮把那被藏在柜里多年的鍋來用~~爸爸你還記得嗎??

Monday 16 November 2009

Day 16: im leaving this spot!

is it true that they say lightning never strike the same place twice??! i doubt it!!
because i'd been stricken for times...a few times and most of times!!
well maybe i should have assumed this is my fault for staying the same all this while.
i guess its time i change my point of view and im learning to be flexible now.
i dont smile a lot when im working...apparently this is not what i really wanted to do.
im struggled to work under this pressure and i am struggled to be polite and i totally dont enjoy being so at all!!
there were times i woke up in the morning feeling so miserable that nothing would make it felt better...
i was so lost that i wondered
'what the heck im doing over here??!!'
it is dead true that change is like the wind blowing a sail boat through the open ocean. we'll never know what comes tomorrow.
THiS iS LiFE!!
(and im getting sick of this phrase now)

Sunday 15 November 2009

Day 15: An itch to read in need!

i dont know how many times i have to tell myself to manage the time i spend on surfing! i need to improve my reading habits badly!! i havnt really read a single word for weeks...and i'll have 7 more shipping to me from home!! i know what's my problem...im not gonna say i dont have times to read...i just dont have the urge to read anymore! my laptop was infected on Thurs...it was 3pm and it wont work AT ALL!! i grabbed Danny Gregory's An illustrated Life and flipped through pages...there were so many words...i wouldnt stopped staring at my laptop...restarted it for a few times was hoping it would turn out fine with a few clicks! by that time...i realised I AM SICK!!! I AM ADDICTED!!!! and i need help! send me to rehab...

Day 14: 原来我有这一本书。。。

今天不晓得怎么了好像突然想起很多事情。。。
原来我的电邮信箱收了很多几年前收到的电邮。
有几封是零四年期间和一个韩国男孩的互相通信。
我在那时答应他会给他寄他喜欢的糖果。。。
我没有办到。明确点是已经忘得一干二净了。。。
事隔多年要不是刚刚无聊在信箱里翻一翻,
我也不知道自己真的是个大头虾!!!
对不起啦。。。
再来是我在两年前买了宫部美幸的《模仿犯》尽然还没看完!
嗐。。。说真的这小说很‘动看’读着读着好像会置身在故事里。。。
仿佛自己就在故事人物的身边打转。或许写完这一篇我又会忘了它。。。
但还是希望我会有完成它的一天!

Friday 13 November 2009

Day 9 to 13th the Friday: Something to do, something to love and SOMETHiNG TO HOPE FOR.

these are what Allan K. Chambler called The Grand Essentials of Happiness. AND YES i'd done something i like with someone i like and hoping i could spend another happy day sooner! BUT how do we define happiness????? oh well we get different definitions from different people...
when i was young i would do anything just to have one single candy from the jar...when i started to go to school...i was happy enough when i did something to make my parents proud (so i could get more in return...hehe), impressed my teachers, mixed with the popular kids in school...being invited to birthday parties and blah blah blah...when i was in my teens i thought it was what i called 'happy' to do things without taking care of others' feeling cos i had got this 'attitude' (cool~~yeah right!) was i happy?? you bet!!
when i get older and begin to learn better things...i have no idea what would really makes me happy...something to do?? hhmmm...like a job perhaps or a hobby that would keep me engaged in pleasure...? yeah i did go to design school and worked in design firms. i have tons of hobbies from swimming (i cant swim~~) to stamp collecting...then i liked to draw, read and write, i love dollies would spend days making clothes for them...and nw im addicted to the internet...does surfing counts as a hobby?
something or someone to love...oh yes i have a loving family and bunch of great friends around me all the time. i love meeting new people but i didnt really know how to blend in (to be honest)..not until i worked as an intern when i was 18. cos that was when i started to met types of people from different status. i truly believe that they came across my life for reasons...for me to learn greater knowledge and wisdom i didnt have before. even those who had wronged me they remind me of the people who are always there for me no matter how bad things go.
and now im hoping for a more interesting life! a better job...a better way to live and A BETTER ME!! i had taken a big step forward by getting here...and im grateful i got to this stage cos trust me ten years from now, even i could still dream as i can now i may be time barred to achieve it. SERiOUSLY...im glad i did it before i changed my mind. i guess it's fine that i change my mind all the time because this is LiFE!
REMEMBER a journey may be forever changing...do something you LiKE to do not something you SHOULD. if you really wanna to do something that make others happy...make sure you do it because you like doing it!
life is too short not to do something that matters...we'll be too old before we know it!

Sunday 8 November 2009

Day 8: wow~~i see my breath!!!

its cold now obviously!! but still i get to see sunlight these few days...its weird that it gets a bit more colder whenever the sun comes out and warmer when it rains. i cant really remember when was the last time i looked up to the sky during the night...spotted the brightest star among the dimmers. how would it feels like to glance towards the dark sky these cold late winter nights?? im nt trying to be sensible or...anyway hope i wont be freezed to death!

Saturday 7 November 2009

Day 7: Do watchu like...really??

make sure you're doing what you please

nah...i always believe that we cant do whatever we want cos we are never alone in this world. there are too many people around us whose feeling we need to care about. human beings have to be the most miserable creature in this world. cos our mind think. have you ever wonder how could a spider be so stubborn that it wont stop making the web even it is being broken apart during the progress of making it??! i guess there's only one thing in its mind...it just wanna get it done!

i did have determination to do things i like...but it wont last too long! im so easily distracted. i might be still doing the same thing i had been doing for years if ive given up on applying for WHM visa. a credit to my mummy for being so supportive. i was about to knock it off when i got refused for the first time. she was the one who keep me on track. i dont need to fly a jet or be in the Guinness book to make her proud...i know whatever i choose she wont be disappointed. everyone has only got one life to lead and this is my life. i am doing what i like and exactly what i (my mummy) want/s! (apart from this stupid job im in -_-'') but too bad when im hungry i cant just grab anything to bite...cos im still on a strict diet. NO MORE CHIPS!!
HoHoHo...Merry Christmas!!! \('o')/

Friday 6 November 2009

Day 6: im waking up at 9am tomorrow

something just doesnt feel right. i have been sleeping late for the past 7 months. this is not supposed to be. i always think im not gonna live long...maybe i'l be dead by the age of 60. to me 60 years of live are more than enough...you see im 25 turning 26 soon that means i would still have another 35 years to go BUT if i keep on living in this way of life...OH MY!!!

it feels im trapped in a dungeon...its always dark and damp...BORING!! im getting out of here soon anyway...

Thursday 5 November 2009

Day 5: MARVELLOUS!! i admire her...Orz

this is a lifetime experience...based on a true story.
or i maybe should say it is happening in my life!
i met someone amazingly cracking.
she inspires me with every word she says...
everything she does.
i swear to god i would never EVER be one of her kind!!!!!!
whooopsss~sorry i might sound a tiny bit of...offensive??!
seriously i have never worked with someone who could moan about something, anything, EVERYTHING!! she's such a genius that no one around her could do things better than she does! hell yeah...
PLEASE GET OVER YOURSELF!!

Day 4: Christmas?? better life starting ahead..:))

why is it always take me ages to upload a picture on blogger??!! im getting sick of these...in fact im getting sick of most of the things around me. oh well it's been raining since this morning...i guess im just a little depressed by the wet weather. i barely remember when was the last time i lied on my bed doing nothing at all...with no lights on, no one's around me, no music, no sounds...sshhhh!! yes i do enjoy being on my own...but somehow i cant manage to switch off the engine of my mind! how do you stop your thoughts and still stay awake at the same times?? MEDITATE??! hhmmmm...it might works. i really need something better in life...

Wednesday 4 November 2009

Day 3: size 8 to 10??!! :[

i always got this feeling...tuesday only last for 12 hours or even less.
i cant seem to have enough time to spend on every tuesday!!
anyway i spoilt myself a bit today:
Breakfast: Bah Kut Teh mee with egg
Lunch: at Nando's. ive only had a (large)coleslaw, garlic bread, natas and my fave orange juice (im really cutting down on food intake, seriously)
Dinner: pork chop rice and green tea
im so determined nw...nothing can stop me!

Monday 2 November 2009

Day 2: Home and away

got up at 11am...6 hours of sleep was way too little for a sleepy pig like me ^o^ GOOD! blame it on the internet!!! had a cup of black coffee this morning. it wasnt really that black though with half tea spoon of sugar in it. less sugar intake from now on...or none at all!! (there would be no more Ben&Jerry's, Kinders', junkzz...grgrgrr this really cause me great, enormous, extreme distress!) i just dont get how people could still survive without eating and still live happily?? eating keeps me cheerful and it's dead true!!! i still have a pretty long way to go. if i fail to lose a single pound after going through this bloody starvation diet, i would...i will...i dont really what else i cant do anymore! just let it be i guess. im sure i'l lose those extra weight off of me erm...sooner or later! hahaha~ dont get me wrong darling im nt giving up yet!!

AND miki you made my day!!! boring monday was lighten up a bit...cant believe you got me all my fave! thanx for being such a loving friend...im truly blessed! MUAKZ...

手里握著紅氣球

我有好一段日子沒有那么大的感觸了。心肝好像被刺了幾下。。。不算痛但酸酸悶悶的,很不是滋味。翻閱自己的日記更是悲。。。怎么時間好像不是過了太久感覺就會不在了呢?我還以為我可以有堅挺的心,要一起到老或許對我來說真的是個包袱。我不喜歡被管束!即使是媽媽的嘮叨我就是受不了。。。但老媽子我還是得忍了!老實說,也沒有人能真正的管得了我。

記得那時我問他:‘你喜歡長發的我還是短發的我?’問的當下我只想知道他的答案。。。并不是意見。因為即便他說長發我還是喜歡短發。脾氣倔強的我還是為了他。。。變的不再這么的頑固。蠻大的改變,也是唯一的。不太迷信的我卻相信我不可能再遇到的么好的人了。。。好得讓我慚愧,讓我內疚!可悲的是從我口中他只能得到‘對不起’。。。怎么這樣子?

從前我不愛哭。。。遇上他我哭了好多遍。感動時,傷心時,失望或是厭倦時他都陪著我。懂事以來我只有在他面前放聲大哭過,在他面前我不必掩飾,很多時候都是他告訴我其實我是個怎樣的人。那一次的坦然對話,我才赫然發現原來他真的比我還要了解我自己。我還以為我掩飾的功夫一流,早露了餡卻還以為他不察覺。或許回到當初那種單純又親密的關系。。。才是最適合!

突然間我發現我好像不再需要穩重的安全島了,因為我喜歡上了紅氣球。我猶豫地停頓在馬路中幾回。。。我還是追上了紅氣球離開了安全島!氣球很迷人也很憂人心,手緊緊握著它總會有變小的一天。努力把它充滿氣又怕一個不小心松手就飄到云里。又如果被刺破,或者。。。

我最終還是決定了,離開安全島。。。

Sunday 1 November 2009

Day 1: Comprehension

i love ellipsis so much that they are everywhere in my blog!! there are loadsa green in my wardrobe. have i told you i like green??...and white of course. but i cant seem to find any white panties though. they are all dark...im gonna get some white ones soon ^^ and there are 5 body/hand lotions on my table! @@...
AND i realised that the feeling that had been keeping us together for years is no longer there~~~love to everyone...take care!